2010 has creeped up on me and is already nearly a month underway. In the past few months I have seen a flurry of events pass us by, all so quickly that I barely remembered to exhale as I watched little parts of the world falling down around me.
It was a particularly tough holiday season this last year. 2009 seemed like a mostly rotten year all around, but the last few months of the year were especially bad. Nearly half of my friends are unemployed and can not find work right now, one of my close friends and racquet ball partner, Joe Coviello committed suicide a few weeks before Christmas, and while I have been able to retain my job, it hasn’t been smooth sailing. Poor management decisions at the top propagates down to all levels of an organization.
And family is no easier. Christmas was plagued with endless tugging and fighting. People denying the past and pointing fingers at each other senselessly. My sister in law even made a point of reminding me that she does not like me nor want me around for family gatherings. But that’s alright, I’ll be an outsider to stand by my principles.
Then there is school. Last week was the first week of my graduate studies. Most of the people in class are unemployed. Many folks even have an unemployment spiel they use when introducing themselves:
“Hi, my name is (insert name here) and I am a (insert job title here). Do you know anyone who is hiring!”
The seasoned veterans ring the spiel off with a smile. No one likes a whiny baby.
And then there is Lainey…
I’m going to write the rest of this post directly to Lainey since she is the one I write for anyway (I hope this blog will somehow survive to her adulthood and maybe she might enjoy reading about who her father really was as an unsure, young man.)
Lainey, you’re a challenge. Last night you kept trying to pull the coax cable out of the back of the TV. Your mother and I would take you away from the TV and scold you and you’d look back at us, grin, and go tug the cable again. Then I’d pop your little hand. You’d clap yours together and bark, “NO” back at us, almost like you were mocking us.
Next we tried a little timeout. You sat in the corner and stared at me. You would stand up, I’d sit you back down. We did it over and over again. You just didn’t understand. Eventually, we had to put you to bed.
Yesterday I had to buy soundproof earmuffs so I can study with you in the house. Right now you are into these really annoying toys that sing and chirp all the time. You enjoy digging in the trash, attempting to break my keyboard and mouse and ripping pages out of books (books used to be made out of paper. By the time you read this, they’ll all be digital).
Being a dad is hard. Being a grad student is hard. Being a dad with a full time job, doing freelance web design on the side and a grad student at the same time is impossible.But don’t worry, I feel really awesome for attempting it all at once.
But even as I face tough economic times, have crazy sister in laws to deal with, impossible loads of work to do (both professionally and academically), life is still very much worth getting up every morning for, even if not for anything else but to watch you take a whole banana and devour it!
Bright things are on the horizon though. Maybe someday soon you’ll learn to poop in the toilet, feed yourself without getting it all over the wall and even tell me when you want something instead of screaming and crying at me! Ah… those will be the days.
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