Lainey has exploded into a monster child. Within three weeks time we have literally seen the little goblin go from 0 to 60 in mere seconds. What was a squirming, cooing and immobile worm last month is now a mush eating, slobbering, teething, and babbling little caterpillar about to sprout wings and fly (or rather crawl) anyway.
It used to be that I could prop Lainey up in the corner of the couch, grab a Wii or Xbox controller and have a good solid hour of nearly uninterrupted relaxation. Me sitting on my end of the couch and her chilling out on hers. I did not have to worry about her toppling or rolling over, becoming bored and squealing for toys or heaven forbid, actually rolling off the couch. Now we have not a moment when we are not afraid that she is going to take a tumble, head first, onto the hard wood floor if she were left unattended on any peace of furniture without straps or rails!
Life has suddenly become a giant kick in the nuts. Mornings are chaos. It is a consistent routine I always manage to miss a beat or two on every day. Evenings are not much better. Between cooking and doing a little housework, maybe hitting the gym, feeding and bathing Lainey then putting her down to bed, it becomes a struggle to get anything outside of those few steps done. Couple all this new found stress at home with work, and I suddenly fear that I will quickly become gray and bald very soon.
About five weeks ago, just around the time when Lainey began her metaphoric transformation from the little worm into something new that squirms and eats more, I was sitting at my desk when one of my co-workers came into my office crying. She had been laid off.
The leadership of the organization had cut dozens of people from the payroll. Some were lousy employees who deserved what they got, some were good, and in the case of my sobbing co-worker, some were great.
It became obvious to most of us who still had our jobs that the leadership in my organization was not simply poor, but pathetic. No audit or research of any kind had been done before these layoffs, nothing. Some departments were forced to part ways with employees who had specific skill sets that no other co-workers possessed leaving those departments virtually non-functional , like an engine without a serpentine belt. And in the case of my department, we were reduced to half a staff.
This has resulted in a poison atmosphere. Bitterness quietly fills the halls. And not only are most of us angry, we are scared. What would happen to my family if I were laid off next? And how can I have faith in an organization that appeared to give so little forethought to their decisions before proceeding?
At that moment, I made the decision to go back to school and peruse a Master’s Degree. My plan is to do everything I can to alleviate the fear of not being able to provide. I see so many people with no education or skills around me struggling. It’s daunting to think of not being able to provide for my family. I never want to be in that position.
This current atmosphere should be a hard life lesson to all of us. It is time to suit up, dig in and get hard core. Learn something new, find new ways to market yourself and simply be golden. I have decided to go hard core on developing myself. I tackle new projects at home, pursue more technical undertakings while on the job and have even volunteered to take on new tasks at my Alma Mater for little (or really no) pay at all.
The day the layoffs happened, the division director (my utmost superior before the president and CEO of the organization) came into our offices to explain what was happening. I could tell he was not believing the propaganda he had been told to spread anymore than we were. Of course, I felt the need to protest and that is when he looked at me and said something that changed my life:
“Well, I wanted to tell them to fire you, but it just didn’t make sense. I had to let her go.”
I could not tell whether he was being sarcastic or serious, but it was obvious that he could not justify firing me. Aside from my direct supervisor, I am the only person in my organization with my skill set. That idea set the tone for my new outlook on life.
Be indispensable, be irreplaceable and be magnificent at whatever you do.
So Life, get ready to take a few more cheap shots at my balls, cause I am about to make things a lot harder on myself. I may as well be a catching 105 mph fastballs from Randy Johnson in his prime, with no face guard or pads on. I really have no idea how I am going to endure three years of graduate studies and maintain what I am already doing. But I will nonetheless.
And maybe, just maybe, someday I will make enough money to tell Sara to stay home and have tons of babies, cook me dinner every night and iron all my clothes for me. It will be just like Leave it to Beaver! Then later on in life when Lainey is whining about doing her algebra and chemistry homework, I will be able to look at her and say,
“What, you’re whining!? I used to change your diapers while solving calculus problems with nothing but my BRAIN! No pen, no scratch paper and no calculator. Then I’d feed you with one hand and type essays with the other. Do your homework… wuss.”
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