Lainey's First Shower!
Lainey came down with a pretty rotten sinus infection a few weeks ago. It has been a real battle of the boogers around the house. Every time we lay her down, the congestion starts draining into her throat, making her cough and choke. Sara and I tried multiple snot suckers and even infant nasal sprays to lure the nasty goo out, but regardless of our efforts, the problem persisted.
Eventually we made the trip to Baby’s R Us, my least favorite store on the planet, and bought a battery powered snot sucker (an electronic nasal respirator! Oooh! Ah!). The battery powered snot sucker is a wonderful gadget. Load it with a few batteries which are conveniently protected by half a dozen, very small screws, push the big blue button, stick the nozzle in the appropriate hole and off you go. I love sticking that thing up Lainey’s nose (and mine too) just to see what comes out.
Despite the magical powers of the battery powered snot sucker, we eventually had to break down and take Lainey to the doctor. They gave her some antibiotics, which were pink and delicious and the infection started to subside. When I saw that little bottle of pink, liquid medicine I was reminded of my days as a child, drinking spoonfuls of the delicious, sweet medicine. I instantly started to wonder two things. 1. Why does Jell-O not make a children’s amoxicillin flavored pudding and 2. Why did we adults quit taking this stuff? I would never miss a dose of medicine if I considered it a treat. Antibiotic resistance due to people neglecting to take the full regimen of their meds would be nipped in the bud! Anyway… back to the story.
It turns out that antibiotics, or at least these particular antibiotics gave Lainey terrible diarrhea. Couple the meds with all the snot Lainey has been swallowing as of late and we have a recipe for mustard color, Campbell’s soupy consistency dookie squirts!
I had heard tales of these dookie bombs from our baby sitter, a seasoned veteran equipped with the experience and skill to handle these types of situations, and though I sincerely apologized for all the mess she was forced to clean up, I secretly prayed that Lainey had gotten it all out of her system. I was hoping for a dookie dumps free weekend.
It was midday Saturday and Sara had gone to take a shower after a trip to the gym. I fired up some Lifehouse (gay band, I know) and picked up Lainey, ready to start our weekly dance together. We spun around the room, bouncing up and down, smiling at each other when I noticed that the small of Lainey’s back was wet. I turned her around to see it… the mustard colored, Campbell’s soupy diarrhea.
I laid Lainey down in her crib, stripped off her clothes and began wiping. It was so much worse than I could have ever imagined. I stripped away the diaper, exhausted easily a dozen baby wipes and still poop was everywhere. Somehow it had made its way all up her backside, along her belly, up to the naval and down her legs.
Finally, I gave in. I picked her up by her armpits, holding her out in front of me like a little bundle of toxic waste and fled to the shower, praying she did not decide to poop or pee any more along the way.
I rushed into the bathroom, threw open the shower curtain and sat Lainey down into a completely shocked, Sara’s hands! Sara smiled big and greeted us. Then she realized what was going on. Lainey was completely covered in poo.
So that was Lainey’s first shower. It was a shower of pure necessity. A shower not unlike many I have taken myself, an emergency poo-control shower. And of course, because it involved poop, I snapped a picture.
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